Saturday, September 9, 2017

August Self Portraits

This is my heaven.  
When we took these, the boys were being stinkers, and the mosquitoes were eating us alive.  Will I remember that?  No.  I'll remember how sweet they were at this age with the cuddles and giggles.  I'll remember how Bear gave his brother hugs and kisses to say he was sorry about who knows what.  I'll remember how content they were in our arms, and how they just melted into my chest.  The looks of glee from the tickles or being tossed up in the air - and Bug's inevitable look of terror after one to many times, that always made us hug him and laugh before he wanted to go again.  

Take the time to get in front of the lens.  Find someone to help you, that you trust, to take the short amount of time you have and make some magic.

There was this constant need to lose weight all around me. My aunts and mom would often hold contest to see who could lose the most weight. With that and the million comments "you need to be careful. You won't always be that small." 
I struggled with an eating disorder for 5 years because of that I was a vegetarian for 7 years.
When I was pregnant with my first it was hard to gain weight. It was hard to be okay that I had gained 50lbs. I tried not to look at the numbers on the scale. Yet even with that worry I felt confident in my body for the first time in years. 
With my second I gained 45lbs but it still didn't bother me as much as I thought it would have.
With this last baby I was on track to only gain 35lbs. (My ob was finally happy with me) The last month I my ob informed me that just like my previous pregnancies I had gained too much (45lbs)
This last pregnancy really changed my body. My foot grew a half size, my hips are wider, I have stretch marks I didn't get with my other pregnancies.
But I am a mommy to a sweet little girl. At times I feel saddened how my body has changed but I keep reminding myself I never want her to feel the way I did growing up.
I carried 3 babies in 3 years. I am going to be the best damn mom to my sweet little girl.
I'm striving to learn to feel confident for my daughter

Nearing the end of my midday coffee.
I already dozed off watching cartoons with the boys and now this mountain of warm, clean clothes looks cozier than ever. I know I should be folding it but...

My baby is 7 weeks old. We almost exclusively pump and feed via bottle, but I do nurse him 1-2 times a day. It was a process for me to feel proud of solely breastfeeding my baby because he rarely gets it directly from my breast. But now I am incredibly proud and grateful for the journey. This image is a celebration of that journey.

41 weeks got me like

This is what nightmares are made of! In fact, I am expecting our 6th child in a month, and a few weeks ago I dreamt I was in labor at the hospital, but all of our laundry was in the delivery room and I had to fold it all before the baby could come! Word to the wise: don't let the laundry soap run out... you'll be up to your eyeballs in clothes! 

I took this image of me and my three girls on Mother's Day at home with a shutter release and tripod. I think it's one of my favourites and I'm so honoured to have it stand alongside the talent you showcase on your blog.

After every storm, comes a rainbow. This is our rainbow and our miracle baby. Our OB told us that we were going to lose him (also) when I was 7 weeks pregnant. I was devastated, but I truly felt like she was wrong. The nausea told me she was wrong, too! Every day after that horrible office visit, I panicked. This went on for weeks before I finally believed that he was, in fact, a healthy, growing baby boy! Those smiles mean the world to me and I’m so lucky to be his mama! The way he looks at me, just melts my heart so capturing that to keep forever is double the joy!

Her little fingers, wrapped so tightly around one of mine, so trusting... a self portrait of a detail that makes my motherhood special.

I was just doing a quick test shot to see what the setup looks like.. I was gonna change myself, change the baby, fix up my hair, but I honestly think I'm not even gonna worry about it anymore cause I'm in love with this! It's us, not staged, styled, just doing what we do.

My little girl is down to breastfeeding once a day. I am so not ready for our journey to end! I am not sure how to deal with it. So this is me savoring every time she latches because who knows which time will be the last.