Saturday, April 18, 2015

"Dear Child..." By Tatiana

   Our first feature in a new series called "Dear Child..." . Thank you Tatiana for sharing this sweet picture and letter to your baby!

   "I got the idea to do (this picture) because just yesterday she started doing this. Holding onto me tightly before I lay her down for a nap. I wrote a letter to her future self after she did it for the first time yesterday and wanted a picture to go along with it."

   Here is the letter:

   To Kalani,

   I just laid you down for a nap. It was the hardest time I had laying you down in the 15 months that you have been on this earth. No, you weren't fighting me. No, you didn't run away. You hugged me. As I carried you up the stairs, you pulled me tight and laid your head on my shoulder. As I walked into the room, you laid there, quiet and still. I couldn't bear to put you down, so I just held you, rocking back and forth. I even walked over to the bathroom to look at the mirror to see if you had fallen asleep. You were still awake just embracing me and I was embracing the moment. I could feel your heart beating, and hear your breath. This is what bliss feels like. After a few minutes passed, I knew I had to put you down so you could get your rest, so I adjusted your blanket in the crib and laid you down. This is when you started crying, and it broke my heart. I walked out of the room calm and collected, but as I closed the door, I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. Yes, I know this might sound silly. Why would I cry? You have fought sleep before. I have laid you down countless times and I don’t think I have ever cried. This time was different. I just felt so happy and loved by you and I didn't want that moment to end. I wanted to hold you forever, but I knew you needed a nap. Little moments like these are moments that define motherhood. Mothers make these choices that children (or the mothers themselves) do not like but know need to be done. I wanted to write this moment down so I could always remember and so you could know how I felt in this moment. A moment so sweet yet hard broke my heart in a way that is hard to understand. It isn’t like the heartbreak everyone goes through with relationships. One day, unfortunately, you will feel that kind of heartbreak I am sure. No, this heartbreak is different because it isn’t negative. It makes me stronger and makes me count all of my blessings. It makes me happy because it shows me how much you love me even though you can’t really tell me you do. Right now, you are asleep. You fell asleep in a little over five minutes which proves I know my baby. You will find I am right a lot. I hope one day you read this and it makes sense to you. I hope it shows you how a mother’s love works. It is complicated but so incredible. It is the deepest love I have ever known. I love you Kalani! I can’t wait until you wake up.


By Tatiana Podraza  Little Panther Photography 

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